the week ends

where i think i am is rarely where i am. what i think people think is rarely what they think.

this is not necessarily bad, it's just perplexing to me since i tend to trust my feelings. the certainty is that, in lots of ways, my feet are most definitely not under me yet. it's coming, though, i know it. i mean, my ideas are waking me up at night. it's been ages since that happened and that's what i need to be certain of. the rest is just the rest.

now my decision is whether to retreat or forge ahead. in this week of downs and ups, the only real choice is to forge ahead. so that is what i'll do.

There are very few human beings who receive the truth, complete and staggering, by instant illumination. Most of them acquire it fragment by fragment, on a small scale, by successive developments, cellularly, like a laborious mosaic.
- Anais Nin; 1903-1977

words to live by

My advice is, follow my advice: Never forget that only you can ever fully appreciate your own true beauty. Others may try, but they so often fall short.
- Miss Piggy

heeeheeeeeeee!

memory

have you ever thought about a memory so much that it actually evaporates? nah, me neither. but i've sure worked some of them over.

i once read that we have a finite number of recalls for a particular event. don't know that i believe that, though. since memory is inherently subject to our present perceptions, doesn't it just clock around slightly and become something else? isn't it really ever-changing?

so, by my calculations (paired with deep critical thinking), we only ever remember a thing once in that way. i like that.

i have memories of trying to make memories. i did this quite a lot over a number of years starting in childhood. i'd be in the most innocuous setting - the line at the grocery or sitting at a traffic light on a day bright equally to both the day before and the one that followed - and decide to will the moment to memory. maybe i felt peaceful or happy, maybe i wanted to remember how singularly unremarkable it was. i forget why. what i recall is the effort to keep it, not what i was hoping would be kept.

so it seems i evolve, (hopefully) grow, change. my memories evolve right along with me. it's kinda sweet.

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
- Pablo Picasso

discuss

we have a brand new museum of contemporary art here in hot springs. it has a brand shiny new visitor.

the presence of the golden grenade has the local veteran groups up in arms (so to speak). they say a dove with an olive branch in its beak or, perhaps, an eagle would be more fitting. they say this celebrates war.

i say it does not. i say let's talk about it.

my friend and i drove down bathhouse row last evening. this new addition shone brightly in the late day sun - it's hard to miss. we talked about what might possibly offend us and discovered we probably have stomachs stronger than most. even so, the presence of the sculpture had us wondering why discussing war seems synonymous with being anti-war or worse - anti-country.

i do worry that some view war as a forgone conclusion - as the price of freedom. my problem with this is that freedom is less free when our desire, our effort to talk about the price is berated or bullied. or covered up by the wings of a big eagle.

i understand the cost to those who fight on the front lines is dear. i have never been there and cannot imagine what that's like. i respect the sacrifice and urge those who have made it to understand how i love my country and how my dearest wish is for nobody to have to do what they have done.

i've heard silence is the voice of complicity. i say discuss.

old friends (well, one, at least)

i got a call early this morning from a dear friend whom i haven't seen in three years. she and her family are on a road trip to california from virginia. her children are among the more rambunctious of the species so we knew there would be no deep bonding. even so, we decided it would be a shame for us to be within a 20 mile radius of one another and not get a single hug in.

we met up at a mcdonald's in malvern. her boy, age 4, climbed every fixture in the place and her girl, age 6, after immediately exploring the depths of my purse, settled in to play tic tac toe with herself. to her credit, she won every single game. they are open, spirited, adorable.

my friend and i had done a number of road trips together. we felt the same about getting up early and exploring the cities we were visiting, cameras in hand. watching places wake up. talking with her, i realized how much i've missed her. and how happy i am to see her - if only for a short time. she, too, is a printmaker and has a wonderful press set up in her basement. she's had it for several years and has yet to use it.

i told her i'm staging a raid. i'm going to commandeer a weekend and we, together, are going to print ourselves into a stupor. think i'll invent some harnesses for the kids while i'm at it... or better yet - maybe we can recruit them as printing assistants... woohoo - checking flights now!!