letting off steam

i dated a turkish guy for a while a few years ago. brilliant guy, wonderful cook (turkish food - amazing), one of the darkest people i hope i'll ever know. the relationship ended badly/sadly. i'd foolishly thought i was too old to suffer a broken heart (especially because i was the one who left). i learned a great deal about myself in that situation - nothing i can discuss in polite company but, trust me, a great deal.

i always look for the good. sometimes it takes a while to find but, invariably, i do find it. and i did. i scored from him his mother's recipe for green beans in a pressure cooker. sounds pedestrian, i know, but that's only because you never tasted them. french-cut green beans, onions, olive oil, fresh roma tomatoes, hot red pepper paste (to taste), salt, pepper and sugar. the sugar is the magic, the sugar makes the other ingredients understand one another.

i didn't grow up around pressure cookers and always worried about them exploding (i'd heard stories) so using one was somehow ridiculously daring. i discovered tipping that little release cap on the top while everything roiled inside made the most satisfying hiss. i loved it. then the resulting green beans... hot or cold or room temperature, scooped onto a thick slice of crusty bread. didn't matter. sublime.

the thing about a pressure cooker is that, no matter the build-up of force inside, tipping the cap gives release. sometimes it's angry, sometimes it's plaintive, sometimes it's a mere wisp of steam. my week was much like this - and for many, many reasons. there were green beans, large doses of hot red pepper paste and even the odd onion to contend with.

occasionally, because the pressure must be released, the release is inappropriate to what's happening at the time. i know my failings and i know i do this. a wise person once told me self-awareness is the booby prize. it's what you do with the awareness that dictates success. it can't be all about the pressure, can it? must be time to break out the sugar...