blame it on the moon

at 4:30 this morning, a large orange moon settled in on the trees. i only saw it for a moment before it wriggled its way down into the limbs and disappeared.

the battle i wage with melancholy can be epic at times. for me, last saturday, the melancholy settled in like that massive moon settled on those trees. i was overtired, i was reflective, i was spent. though the morning had been incredibly positive and successful, there was one episode that wouldn't just slide past me.

opportunity sometimes comes at you cloaked in a bad memory.

i was approached by a person to participate in a show. great, right? yes, great. she represents a pro-choice organization and prefaced her interest in my work with a near-disclaimer about who she works with/for. i assured her that i, too, am pro-choice and that i was interested to know more about this show. however, as she spoke i found myself fighting the urge to tell her of a print i had done, of the choice i had made, once upon a time. and how, though i am pro-choice, that decision still has its teeth in me more than twenty years later. i'm not convinced that's what she'd want to hear.

i titled the piece "the muddy nature of choice". when i first showed it, there were tears all around. several people asked if they could buy or trade for one of the edition. really? why? i still don't know. what i've learned in these intervening years is that the decisions i make - good or bad - can endure. many things can be re-decided. many, many things. some cannot. as i approach my 45th birthday having never been a parent, this particular choice comes with a built-in echo. i never know when it'll come around again. when it does, i am disarmed anew.

the decision i made wasn't easy. it also wasn't my decision alone. it should have been. since that time, i have been vigilant in following my instinct, following my own voice. i am often wrong but i'm ok with that. i stand or fall in living what i decide.

i just got in from walking the dogs. that orange moon is on the rise - this time on the up-side of the sky. as always, thanks for listening.