new people

this morning i had the privilege of hosting a visitor to our fair spa city. we went to see bathtub races in the rain and had a pretty tasty round of pancakes. we talked about the state of hope and the danger of despair.

this person is not someone who will be in my day-to-day life. i will, most likely, never see her again after this weekend. what i learn though, as i reflect on our conversation, is that there really are people who feel the way i do. who feel as much as i do. somehow, that's pretty fucking valuable as i slog through the mess and exhilaration of making new connections.

last night, i was involved in a long conversation with a man who is trying to get to the essence of being human. i listened carefully. i wanted to understand his goal in trying to break things down to such an extent. i wondered out loud where happiness comes in, where connection comes in. he seems almost bent on isolation and viewing history - of people, of places - as the only lens through which to interpret the present. i think there's danger in that. if we, each of us, lay our histories bare, bring our personal atrocities into the daylight, we can only be alone. it can easily become unbearable.

i am deeply cynical. i try to laugh it off but recognize it comes with a cost. i can see through people at about ten paces and have to work very hard to love them (and myself) anyway. it's a constant choice. insomuch as we are animals, we are human animals. we choose. when i act in a way that's kind, i hopefully enrich another and, by default, myself. is that ignoble?

back to breakfast. i am grateful for this visit - i so appreciate positivity and kindness in the same place. it gives me something to aspire to. i know we are animals. i know we sometimes make terrible mistakes in pursuit of personal satisfactions.

i use the word 'hope' quite a lot. i hope good outcomes for others, i hope joy. mainly, i hope i can continue to be hopeful, even through the lens of history.

if all else fails, i can run rings around a bathtub fetchingly dressed as a cow.